I'm going to jail i love you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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