you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
