One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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