I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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