She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
