Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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