I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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