My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
