So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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