Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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