I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
