We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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