oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
