I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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