never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
