Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
