I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
