It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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