you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
