That's when you crack a 10am beer
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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