I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
