Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Farmville is her only friend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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