We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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