I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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