some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
