You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize