She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
