Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
