we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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