we're chasing vodka with high fives
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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