theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
