Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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