failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Less talking, more tequila
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
