You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
