So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
