I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
