so explain again why im purple
no
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
