There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
