You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I supernannyed him into submission
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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