tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
