i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
