Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
