By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize