Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
