hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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