If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
