Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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