Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
