It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
