drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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