I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize