I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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