guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
