Dual....:-)
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
