Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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