Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A bitchslap is in order.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
