do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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