do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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