In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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