forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
