Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
