And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
